


Peach Lobotomy

by Goldenonyx



Series: Max's Naruto November [4]
Category: Naruto
Genre: Angry Sasuke, M/M, Minor Character Death, Trauma, emotional mess sasuke, helpful obito, lost sasuke, naruto is trying
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-06
Updated: 2019-11-06
Packaged: 2021-01-23 22:33:16
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,486
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21327757
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Goldenonyx/pseuds/Goldenonyx
Summary: “It’s natural to worry about the people you care about, but it’s important to turn that worry into something constructive. If you’re worried about losing someone, keep them close so that you can protect them, rather than worry about how you’d cope if the worst were to happen.” Sasuke stopped responding after that, seemingly deep in thought, and Obito just let him think. He knew who he was, he would have known even if Kakashi hadn’t brought it up every time he’d come home, but it wasn’t his place. This was something Sasuke needed to figure out for himself, Obito could only help him so much.Or Sasuke is so used to losing everyone he's ever cared about, so he leaves first only to realize it's not that easy.
Relationships: Hatake Kakashi/Uchiha Obito, Uchiha Sasuke/Uzumaki Naruto
Series: Max's Naruto November [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1533464
Comments: 6
Kudos: 67





	Peach Lobotomy

When his parents told him what had happened, Sasuke went numb. He was a hero, they said, he did what any good shinobi would. Sasuke didn’t understand how they could be so accepting, how they could try to justify it. He didn’t come out of his room until the funeral.

His team was there, dressed in black, standing silently by his side. Not even Naruto spoke, which Sasuke was too numb to appreciate. All of the other faces blended together; other Uchihas, other shinobi, the Hokage. His eyes never strayed long from the picture framed at the front of the room, the only face he wanted to see and the only face he never would again.

Itachi had been everything to Sasuke; a mentor, an idol, a brother. There was no one in the world he loved more, and after losing him Sasuke just, shut down. At first he was quiet, spending more and more time alone, only going out occasionally for training. He still participated, but never with as much spark as he once had. He could tell Sakura and Naruto weren’t trying that hard against him either, and while that should have pissed him off, he couldn’t bring himself to care. Kakashi had tried to be a good sensei and talk with him, but Sasuke had just brushed him off. There was nothing to talk about, nobody could bring his brother back.

As time went on, his lack of feelings morphed into fear and anger. Itachi was gone, he’d died protecting Konoha. He was a shinobi, just like Sasuke, and he’d paid with his life. Why should Sasuke do the same? Why should he dedicate his life to the same village that caused his brother to lose his? He was angry when he thought about his brother and his village. He knew the risks of being a shinobi, but it wasn’t until now that he started thinking about why they were risks in the first place. Why were they expected to fight and die for Konoha? To be sucked into dangerous situations? They didn’t even have a body for Itachi, his ANBU mask was the only thing they were able to retrieve. Itachi was the best of them all, and now that he was gone, what did that mean for the rest of them?

The fear Sasuke held onto wasn’t something he ever admitted to himself. He spent most of his time focused on the anger, but the fear was still there. He had people now, people who were still alive and still shinobis, what about them? His brother had died protecting Konoha, who’s to say the same fate wouldn’t happen to Kakashi? To Sakura? _To Naruto_? Losing Itachi was hard, and it wasn’t something he’d ever expected to deal with, but to lose his team? Sasuke couldn’t bear to even consider it, so instead he buried that fear under layers of anger.

For four years he let his feelings simmer, unchecked just below the surface. He kept his head down and did his duty as a Konoha shinobi, but four years was a long time, and Sasuke could only keep control of himself for so long. That’s when he met Orochimaru.

When he was sixteen, Sasuke left Konoha behind. It had been a split decision, to follow Orochimaru, but in the dead of night he realized he didn’t have anything to lose. He didn’t care for the other man, but it gave him an escape from the village he had spent so long trying to convince himself he hated.

Thus began a nomadic lifestyle, moving from village to village, learning as much as they could before continuing on to the next. Sasuke wasn’t sure what exactly Orochimaru was looking for, but he never cared enough to ask. He thought it had something to do with regeneration, a mission Orochimaru had taken upon himself as a favor from Tsunade, but he honestly had no idea. Why Orochimaru had allowed him to tag along was another question he didn’t have an answer to. They had never been friends, just two shinobi who ran into each other from time to time. He had heard whispers, comparing his team to the legendary Sannin, and maybe that was part of the reason he felt drawn to the other man. They hardly spoke, allowing each other to just do their own thing, but it was a comfortable companionship.

After a few months Orochimaru had found whatever it was he had been looking for, so Sasuke was faced with a decision; go back to Konoha or continue his mindless wandering. Orochimaru told Sasuke he could buy him a month, tops, before people started asking questions, after that he was on his own. He agreed, not yet ready to go back, and they said their goodbyes, leaving Sasuke alone somewhere in the Land of Lightning.

It was here, alone wandering unfamiliar terrain, that Sasuke finally allowed himself to give into his emotions. His anger had faded long before, but the fear that was eating up his insides had pushed him to the extremes. Over the years, it had only gotten worse. He had tried to distance himself from the people closest to him, and while most gave him his space and claimed it was a side effect from losing Itachi, his team just pushed even more. Between Kakashi, Sakura, and Naruto, he was hardly ever left alone. He had tried to be an asshole, tried anything and everything he could think of to push them away, but that just made them more determined. Before long, his fears had gotten the best of him.

He relied on them too much. He relied on them so much he wasn’t sure he could live without them. It was scary, it made him feel vulnerable. Kakashi had always taught them the importance of the team, to value your team above all else, but Sasuke knew now just how dangerous that was. Nobody wanted to think about what would happen if they were to lose a team member, but Sasuke _couldn’t_. He couldn’t picture a world without his team in it, and that’s when he realized just how bad of a spot he was in.

Itachi’s death had been an eye opener for him, but it hadn’t been the end-all-be-all. He had actually accepted Itachi’s death rather quickly, but it was the other thoughts and ideas that followed that left him an emotional mess. Now that he let himself think about it, _really_ think about it, he realized that maybe it wasn’t really the thought of losing his team that had him scared out of his mind, but rather a specific teammate.

Sasuke didn’t let himself think anymore after that, instead focusing on surviving on his own. He went around from village to village, picking up odd jobs for food and lodging. He lost track of time, sure the month Orochimaru bought him was up but not sure by how much. He began sleeping less and less, spending more time wandering aimlessly, the bags under his eyes darkening until they became almost permanent bruises. It wasn’t until his legs gave out in the middle of the woods that Sasuke realized just how dumb he was being.

He couldn’t do this on his own, clearly, but he was so afraid of relying on other people that he had forgotten the most basic lesson, a lesson taught to him by both Itachi and Kakashi. He didn’t have to do this alone, he had a team waiting for him. They cared about him just as much as he cared about them, so they were probably worried sick, waiting for Sasuke to come home so they could beat the crap out of him and tell him to stop being an idiot. He would take it all, because he knew he deserved it, and he’d do the same if one of them had been the one to leave.

It was Obito that found him, laughing to himself in the middle of a clearing on the edge of the Land of Fire. He’d just sat there for a while, letting Sasuke get through his breakdown before leading him back to Konoha. That day Sasuke hadn’t shown up for training, Kakashi had been a mess, but only Obito knew that. He had helped the search team the first few days, led by Kakashi and the rest of Team 7, but the searches stopped when the news came in. That night was one of the few times Obito had ever seen Kakashi get drunk, mumbling about ‘not being a good enough sensei’ and ‘knew he wasn’t okay.’ It was after the third ‘I should have done more’ that Obito took the bottle from his hands and forced him to bed.

Three months later, when Orochimaru returned alone, Kakashi asked Obito for help. Sakura had been keeping herself busy with Tsunade, working as much as possible so she didn’t have to think about Sasuke, but Naruto was a different story. Kakashi didn’t know what to do, he had tried training with him more, offered to take him on higher ranked missions just to get him focused on other things, but nothing seemed to work. So, the next day, Obito set off, determined to bring home the lost Uchiha.

“Have you ever done something stupid with good intentions?” Sasuke asked, breaking the silence for the first time.

“More than once,” Obito admitted. Most of what he did back in his genin and chuunin days could fit that category.

“I thought if I left it wouldn’t hurt as bad if I lost him, but it was dumb to think like that.”

“Him?” Obito asked, because while there was a lot to unpack in that cryptic response, that seemed like the most important piece.

“Them, I meant them,” Sasuke had tried to save himself, but all that managed to do was confirm that the important part _was_ the him.

“It’s natural to worry about the people you care about, but it’s important to turn that worry into something constructive. If you’re worried about losing someone, keep them close so that you can protect them, rather than worry about how you’d cope if the worst were to happen.” Sasuke stopped responding after that, seemingly deep in thought, and Obito just let him think. He knew who _he_ was, he would have known even if Kakashi hadn’t brought it up every time he’d come home, but it wasn’t his place. This was something Sasuke needed to figure out for himself, Obito could only help him so much.

The closer they got to Konoha, the more restless Sasuke grew. From what Obito had told him, it had been almost five months since he had left, and he was nervous to see everyone. He’d left without a word to anyone, and while he could see how dumb that was now, there wasn’t anything he could do about it. Obito seemed slightly off as well, and Sasuke assumed he had probably done the same thing. They would face Kakashi’s wrath together, but Kakashi wasn’t the person he was most worried about.

Minato was the one waiting for them at the gate, Kakashi only a few steps behind him. With a nod, Obito left Sasuke with the Hokage, and took it upon himself to bare the wrath of Kakashi alone. Sasuke and Minato just stood there in silence for a few minutes, Sasuke unsure what to say, or even if he should say anything at all.

“As your Hokage I need to apologize to you. You were clearly hurting and I did not provide you with what I should have. If there is anything I can do for you, please don’t hesitate to ask,” Minato eventually said, smiling at Sasuke as he began walking back towards the village. Sasuke followed, not sure what else there was to do. Before they reached the gate, Minato stopped again, turning to Sasuke with what could only be described as desperation on his face.

“Forgive me, but as Kakashi’s sensei and Naruto’s father, please at least say goodbye if you ever decide to do something like that again. These last four months have aged me at least eight years.” Sasuke actually managed to laugh at that, earning another smile from the Hokage. As they both turned to finally enter the village, Sasuke stopped dead in his tracks. He was expecting to see Kakashi, since he had clearly been waiting for him, but it appeared Obito had done him a favor on that front. For whatever reason, he wasn’t expecting to run into Naruto immediately, and that was dumb on his part. Of course Naruto was here, if it was the other way around he knew he would waiting.

Minato had disappeared almost as soon as Naruto spotted Sasuke, and Sasuke wasn’t sure if he was more impressed or mad about it. Naruto wasted no time approaching him, but once they were standing in front of one another he seemed to be at a loss.

“I’m an idiot,” Sasuke decided to be the one to break the silence.

“Yeah, you are,” Naruto agreed, a ghost of a smile on his lips. “I’m so-“

“Don’t,” Sasuke interrupted. “You have no reason to apologize. I’m the one who left without saying anything, I’m the one who should apologize.”

“Let me finish,” Naruto said, his eyes serious and voice steady. “You’ve been struggling since Itachi died, and I didn’t do anything to help you. I thought maybe if I just kept everything the same and pretended nothing was wrong that maybe it would be okay, but I was wrong. You needed me and I didn’t do enough. I knew you were hurting and I didn’t do anything to help you. I just pretended everything was fine and I’m sorry. I’m so sorry Sasuke. I’m so sorry.”

“You did everything I needed, there wasn’t anything you could have done differently for me. Everything that’s been going on in my head had nothing to do with how you were acting, I promise. I was scared. I became too reliant on you and that scared me, so I left. I didn’t want to lose you the same way I lost Itachi,” Sasuke replied, his voice starting steady but slowly falling to a whisper.

“You were worried about me?” Sasuke couldn’t bring himself to look at Naruto, especially after hearing just how soft those words had escaped him.

“And Kakashi, and Sakura. But yeah, mainly you,” he admitted. He still refused to look at the other boy, but he couldn’t help but notice how close they had ended up.

“I worry too. What if something happens and I’m not there? What if I am there but there’s nothing I can do? I think we all have those thoughts, it doesn’t make you any weaker to care about others.”

“Yeah,” Sasuke murmured. “I’m starting to realize that.”


End file.
